I Don't Want To Leave Yet

It's all slipping away from me.
I can feel my own pulse dimming to a numbing vibration.
I can hardly see my own two feet in front of me.
My blood boils, leaking out of my wounds.
How hard is it to see?
How hard is it to breathe?
Was I even able to see in the first place?
Was I even able to breathe in the first place?
Can you tell me who I am?
I've forgotten.
Can you tell me where I'm going?
I've forgotten that as well.
Can you teach me how to see again?
Can you teach me how to breathe again?
Oh please, Wont someone help me become me again...?


I doubt it was ever so hard to stand so still.
I doubt it was ever so hard to blink.
How do you know if you are alive or not?
I've forgotten how to tell.
Forgotten if I even knew at all.
I dont think anyone cares.
I dont think anyone can hear me.
"Who am I?"
"Does....Anyone know...?"
I ask these questions over and over.
But somehow...My throat wont release these words.

They all look at me funny.
Make them stop.
They giggle at me.
I want them dead.

I can't see. It's all so dark.
I hear voices telling me to hush.
They dont know.
They dont know that I cant speak a word.
Their hands are freezing.
They spend no time pondering my body.
None at all.

No body can save me anymore.
I have become something bad.
I'm sorry mother.
I couldn't help myself.
It had to be done.




The paper was taken from my hands.
You stare at me, the ever present white coat on your arms undone, as usual.
"That's enough for now." You clear your throat and fold my paper into a small square.
Before you tuck it into your jacket.
You never bother to read my writings.
You already know they say the same thing.
But you are stupid, in that fault.
You dont understand what I mean.
"How is your morning so far...?" You gently guide me to the green couch and sit me down.
I hate that couch.
"What did you have for breakfast...?" You sit next to me, and look me directly in the eyes.
I hate when you do that.
"Did you get enough sleep?" You say this eagerly, as if pestering me will make me speak.
You touch my shoulder with a cold hand. I jolt, and push your hand away. I pull my legs
up onto the couch and hug them close to my body.
You made me cold. Now I'm shivering.
"Oh. I'm sorry." You apologize, and stand up. You unfold a dark green blanket from the
top of the couch. You lean me forward gently and wrap the blanket around my shoulders.
"Maybe I should have them get you some warmer clothes, hm...?" You smile slightly.
I nod.
You blink, looking as if I did something terribly wrong.
"Did you nod...?"
I nod.
"You want warmer clothes than that...?" You gesture to my clothes.
A pair of white pants.
A blank, white shirt.
White socks.
No color.
I nod again.
"I'll have to speak to them about that." You smile at me once again. You walk to your
desk and pull open a locked drawer.
You pull out a clear, locked lid jar, filled with colorful candy.
You step over to me once again.
"Pick whichever you'd like." You say as you open the jar, and hold it out to me.
I pull my hand from the warmth of the blanket, and grab a blueberry sucker.
"Same as always, hm?" You sigh as you close the lid of the candy jar, and place it back
in the drawer.
You sit down again next to me, and place a cold hand on my head.
You really like my hair. You always touch it.
A dark maroon, messy looking like always.
I like when you pet my head.

Then, like always, there was that moment of absolute silence. It's always there.
And during that moment, you always just look at me with a smile.
It's nice to be smiled at.
The beeping of your watch ends this. And I watch as you retreat your hand, and stand up.
You take the blanket off my shoulders, and help me to stand.
"Time to head to therapy." You sigh, and lead me to the door.
I dont want to leave. I like the warm blanket, I like when you pet my head, I like the
candy you always give me.
You usher me out the door, and smile.
"Have a nice day Ignite. I'll see you at 8:00pm." You close the door to your room.
I stand there. Staring at the now closed, heavy steel door.
But I dont want to leave yet. I raise my hand and tap on your door 9 times.
You dont answer.
I feel another pair of cold hands suddenly rest on my shoulders and turn me around.
I hate him. He takes me to a noisy room with people who dont like me.
I dont want to leave yet.
Please...Let me stay longer....
I'll be good...I'll even talk to you...
But please...Let me stay longer...Steven...